How to effectively overcome anxiety during sex?

Question

Hello doctor,

I am 30 years old, weigh 152 pounds, and am 5 feet 6 inches tall. I recently engaged in vaginal intercourse for the first time. Although I have attempted it a few times before, I often feel quite anxious and have not succeeded. I struggled with achieving a full erection, and on one occasion, I did not get an erection at all. However, I am confident that I do not have an erectile disorder, as I am able to achieve a full erection during masturbation.

Do you have any suggestions for overcoming this anxiety?

Please suggest.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I have read your query and understand your concerns.

Firstly, I want to let you know that performance anxiety can be managed effectively with the right psychotherapeutic approach. In my experience, approximately 70 to 80 percent of individuals report significant improvement in erections and a reduction in performance anxiety once psychotherapy begins. Below, I outline some strategies that may help address your issue.

Try to dismiss thoughts of sexual inadequacy or doubts about your ability to perform well. Performance anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, guilt, past negative experiences, poor communication or misunderstandings with your partner, and similar factors can all impact sexual functioning and performance. Addressing these concerns can eliminate many of the causes of poor sexual performance.
Enhancing self-confidence and addressing fears will contribute to better sexual performance. Remember, sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving emotions, intimacy, and love.
Engage fully with your feelings and shift your focus away from performance alone. By doing this, you will likely see an improvement in your sexual performance.
Performance anxiety often creates a "vicious cycle" where anxiety leads to poor performance, which in turn causes more anxiety, perpetuating the cycle. Another factor contributing to performance anxiety is inadequate sexual arousal. If you are not sufficiently aroused, blood flow to the penis may be insufficient, leading to weakened erections and premature ejaculation. To address this, avoid rushing into intercourse and take your time to become fully aroused.
Enhance and extend foreplay, and initiate penetration only after both you and your partner are fully aroused. Good foreplay not only arouses you but also enhances your partner's mood, which can make the experience more enjoyable and reduce anxiety about satisfying your partner. Distract yourself from monitoring your performance by incorporating romantic music or soft lighting during intimacy.
Focus on what excites you, and try to shift your attention away from performance concerns. This can help alleviate the worries that may be preventing full arousal.

I hope this helps you.

Thanks for using icliniq, and have a nice day.