What is the cure for bipolar disorder or cyclic pattern of behavior in women?

Question

Hello doctor,

My wife blames me for her mother's death. Her mother did not take care of herself or go to a doctor. My wife would make her appointments, and she would not go, or my wife would tell her she would pick her up and her mother would leave and not tell her. She would be devastated by this every time it happened, and it happened over 10 times. Her mother had type II diabetes, was 59 years old, and my wife (a nurse) told her regularly that she absolutely needed to go to the doctor. Her mother did not listen, would not go, and acted like my wife did not know what she was talking about. I told her she needs to stop trying because it is doing such a number on my wife, hurting her every single time. Her mother had a heart attack a week later and had an LVAD (left ventricular assist device) installed, which she did not want but all the children (blood) talked her into, it failed and she died a year after that. This was over five years ago and she still cyclically brings it up and hates me, saying I told her to stop trying to help her, and she cannot trust me because I let her down.

I do not know what to do, but the anger she has for me gets unbearable at times. I love her too much to leave, and I fight through the 80 percent of anger and resentment just for the 20 percent of the time when we are getting along well. She does not realize that her mom was an adult and it was her decision not to get medical help. How do we fix this?

Also, she does suffer from diagnosed bipolar disorder and is under medication for that, and this anger cycles in and out, along with other things she is angry about. I know this is a lot, but this re-living the past over and over again is destroying our marriage. I am not perfect, and I have made mistakes, but nothing to warrant this anger. Never cheated, was always loyal, do not drink, did no drugs, did not smoke, never gambled, and worked hard, but I always put her and my family first. Just do not know what to do, or how to help her, or how she can move on from this.

Thanks in advance for your help.

Thank you.

Answer 1

Hello,

Welcome to icliniq.com.

I read your query and understand your concern.From what you have described it seems that your wife had not coped well to the stressors and her bipolar worsened it. It is fine she is under medication and the treating psychiatrist can titrate them if and when required. But in my opinion, psychotherapy can help her further. She needs to learn to mature coping mechanisms and shall work on anger management. At the same time, you also are going through a lot of stress and need to follow the steps of stress management. You know you can take good care of your family and deal with the situation better only if you are well. Simple steps of stress management like meditation daily or giving at least one hour daily on your hobbies can work. You can also opt for couples therapy or marriage therapy for your relationship troubles. Remember every problem has a solution you just need to try solving it and help is just a step away.

Hope this helps.

Feel free to write to icliniq.com if you have any further queries.

Regards.